Year Released: 2017
Directed by: Matthew Vaughn
Starring: Taron Egerton, Colin Firth, Julianne Moore
(R, 141 min.)
Genre: Action and Adventure, Comedy

“We’ve kind of got a bit of a “save the world” situation here.” “Eggsy” Unwin

Defining decadence down. Not to mention insulting its audience with gratuitous profanity, crass vulgarity, and a plot as shallow as the so-called principles the Kingsmen purport to follow. Hang your heads in shame, you A list celebrities who leant your star power to this odious trash.

Other critics were equally unimpressed:

Kingsman: The Golden Circle is the bloated, campy, thoroughly stupid sequel to the 2014 action thriller Kingsman: The Secret Service, which made comic hay out of the tension between English Men’s Club manners and insanely graphic violence. The first movie was no classic but had its charms. Director Matthew Vaughn’s syncopated perversity was a relief from the recent, overearnest 007 vehicles, and the two — count ’em — climactic gore orgies made even the most jaded splatter fetishists howl with delight. A sequel was de rigueur, of course, but what a mess it is. –David Edelstein

Yes, a fine mess. Too bad the whole organization isn’t destroyed along with its headquarters early on in the film. But the dauntless Eggsy (Taron Egerton) lives on, as does Merlin (Mark Strong). Together they execute the Doomsday Protocol, where they join forces with their American counterpart, Statesman, “after the world is held hostage by a new threat .”

Actually, the real hostages may be the movie going public that has to sit through over 2 hours of this misbegotten trash. Bringing in the American cast – Halle Berry, Channing Tatum, Jeff Bridges – seems a blatant attempt to cash in on their star power, as well as the American pocketbooks. Jeff Bridges, perhaps out of embarrassment, seems to phone it in, while Berry and Tatum are little beyond stereotypes.

The plot is as complicated as it is superficial, with the otherwise competent Julianne Moore playing a villain as cheesy and cardboard as the lining under day old pizza.

I guess we are supposed to chuckle when she feeds a disappointing minion into a meat grinder, stopping the odious machine midway with the legs protruding vertically. With Bond we got the shark pool and some blood in the churning water. Here we get finely ground flesh cooked up diner style. Blofeld at least had a modicum of taste.

“Manners maketh man,” a resurrected Harry Hart (Colin Firth) repeats, but it appears the only thing Eggsy has really learned is which fork to use. His attempt at gallantry is to phone his sweetheart to inform her of the seduction he will have to make for queen and country. The tricky part will be implanting a tracking device in her nether regions. Certainly a task right up there with saving the world and the code of chivalry the Kingsmen supposedly follow.

Their Savile Road suits, tailored in at the waist, may be sartorially correct, but very insipid substitutes for shining armor.

A feather clad Elton John appears as himself. His purpose in the film is vague, and we are not certain if his performance is a parody or not. Enough said.

I guess this is how one takes down a society and its people. Expose them to a raging sewer of senseless violence and depravity, and sweeten the waters with a smidgeon of moral righteousness – saving the world and all that. And voilà. You can wash them away in a stream of excrement before they know it.

Or just maybe they do. As the falling box office receipts portend. We can hope, at least.

–kathy Borich

Trailer

Film-Loving Foodie

Eggsy is into Martinis, but the American team, posing as a Bourbon whisky distillery in Kentucky, has other preferences. Two of its agents are Whiskey and Tequila, which are both in our potent cocktail, along with Bourbon and Scotch.

The second version adds some pineapple juice and sweet and sour. It may go down a little easier for some.

Named The Four Horseman, our cocktail certainly fits in the Kingsman world of Conquest, War, Famine, and Death.

Think of this elixir as a way of warding off those perils instead of inviting them. Down the hatch.

The Four Horseman Cocktail

The Four Horsemen drink is named after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The drink is very strong, and each of the liquors used in the drink are named after a man whose first name begins with J. The Four Horseman has several variations.

Basic Four Horsemen

The basic recipe for the Four Horsemen features only the four liquors named for men. Serve the drink straight up, without ice.

Ingredients

1/4 ounce Jim Beam bourbon

1/4 ounce Jack Daniels whiskey

1/4 ounce Johnnie Walker scotch

1/4 ounce Jose Cuervo gold tequila

Instructions

Pour all liquors into a lowball glass and serve it straight up.

Variation

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

This drink uses the same combination of liquors, but also adds Jagermeister herbal liqueur, pineapple juice, and sweet and sour. Serve it shaken on ice and strained into a highball glass.

Ingredients